


You've Gotta Want It

by A Melon Most Bitter (Darwise)



Category: HEARTBEAT (Video Game)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Developing Friendships, Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-05
Updated: 2019-12-05
Packaged: 2021-02-24 15:55:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21680554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darwise/pseuds/A%20Melon%20Most%20Bitter
Summary: If you can't stand on your own two feet, there's no shame in taking a hand from others. A take on Beck's first time meeting Io, and the events in her life that lead up to it. Rated T for bleak tones and subject matter. Written in a single sitting as part of a challenge, and completely unedited.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 7





	You've Gotta Want It

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warning: This work contains vague mentions of a suicide attempt. Please exercise caution if you decide to read.

The very first time that Rebecca Ondo is faced with her own mortality is not a moment that she can fully recall, yet it still remains the most defining experiences of her life.

Most of her actual memories of the event have long since faded away, but the one thing that's still crystal clear in her mind to this day, are the sensations.

The hard thud of the soccer ball as it collides with her chest.

The smell off the freshly cut grass, and the soft tickle of each blade on her cheek as her face hits the soft earth.

The sickening crunch of her bones as the arm she extended to break her fall is bent backwards at an unnatural angle until it snaps.

The sensation that sticks out in her mind the most however, is her first breath.

Her teammate and childhood friend is the one who manages to resuscitate her, but unlike the movies where the patient takes a deep breath, and everything is "A-OK", the reality of what happens is far crueler. The breath that she draws is cut painfully short as the airway in her throat refuses to open, leaving her gasping desperately for air as she writhes in pain on the field.

Her heart pounds against her ribcage so hard, that each individual "thump" can be seen through her jersey. Gwen is right next to her the entire time, with both hands firmly gripping onto her remaining good one. Tears are streaming down Gwen's cheeks, but she manages to keep her cool through the crisis.

It's only when her lips begin turning blue that the emergency services arrive on the scene, but by then, the lack of oxygen is more than her body can handle, and the last thing she sees before passing out again is Gwen shouting something, reaching out for her face, and then...

Black.

* * *

The next time that Rebecca wakes up, she's in a hospital bed surrounded on all sides by several nurses. Several machines are hooked up to her body, but all she can feel is the searing pain of her broken arm.

Ignoring the tube in her throat, she screams and thrashes as the nurses plead with her to calm down.

The voice of her parents cut through the throng of strangers, and she focuses on them. Her cries die down to hoarse whimpers, and the nurses quickly make a path for her mother and father.

They kiss her cheeks, and gently hug her as best as they can without agitating her injuries. The doctor finally comes in, and talks to the both of them, just out of her earshot. Both of her parents cling to each other in grief over what he tells them.

He stands over her bed with a kindly smile, and tells her that she's very lucky to be alive. He goes over exactly what happened during the game, but she tunes him out, and focuses on the ceiling tiles above her.

It isn't until he starts talking about moving and extended care that she starts paying attention. When he says that sports pose "far too much of a risk", she looks at him in the closest thing to a stern protest that her weakened body can manage.

In that moment, it's almost as if he can read her mind. He places a hand on her shoulder, and with just a few words, crushes all of her hopes and dreams for the future.

"I'm truly sorry, but you're never going to be able to play any kind of sport again."

* * *

After months spent in recovery, Rebecca eventually learns to live with her condition, and the fresh air of her new home in Harbei means that her parents are finally comfortable with sending her back to school.

For a while, everything goes back to normal. The other kids treat her nice, though they've all been made aware of "her condition". Most of the other kids are nice, while others out of ignorance, stay away from her in fear of "dying of a heart attack"; but everyone always shoots her pitying looks whenever she has to sit out during gym class, or stay at home on field trips to amusement parks.

Eventually, the other children get bored with her novelty, and ignore her entirely.

It leaves her with more free time than she knows what to do with, and for a long time, she does nothing but retreat into herself, and imagine another life where she's all grown up.

In this life, she's a star athlete, with her picture all over television and magazines, complete with her own sportswear line. Here, she's always pushing past her physical limits just when she thinks she's reached her peak.

But with every new day that dawns, she wakes up, and is forced to accept her reality for what it is.

Her parents only notice her depression once it manifests itself in the worst way possible.

They put her back in the hospital; this time, her stay is to be permanent. They tell her that what she did to herself only made the damage to her heart even worse, and that without constant care, she runs the risk of sudden heart failure.

Her mother and father both have to work longer hours to afford her medical expenses. They can only afford to visit her on the weekends now, and when they ask her if she'll be alright, she puts on a brave face, tells them yes until they finally believe it.

Once they leave, she breaks down in tears and cries herself to sleep.

The staff suggests that she join the other children in the onsite classes, but she sees little reason to participate. One nurse manages to bribe her out of her room and into class with the promise of an extra slice of pie at lunch if she does.

All of the children in the class are like her; broken in some way. Everyone is friendly, but one person stands out to her among them.

She's a little shorter than she is, and a skin is a shade lighter as well. Curly locks of well kept brown hair sweep down her back, with two long bangs framing her dimpled smile.

Puberty had come at an early age for Rebecca, and aside from all of the unpleasant changes that came with it, the effects had gone largely ignored by her until now, where for the first time in her life, she became acutely aware of the effect that another girl was having on her.

It's her first crush, and the start of one of the most influential relationships of her life.

Her name is Noel, and they quickly become friends. She doesn't like sports like Rebecca does, but instead likes to spend her free time filling in coloring books, and playing video games. After classes, they spend time in her room playing on Noel's game consoles, and she quickly gravitates towards the hobby with little prompting on her new friend's part. Here in the hospital, nearly everyone that lives here wishes they could be someone (or somewhere) else.

They grow closer over time, until after a year of friendship, she finally works up the courage to tell Noel how she feels. A quick peck on the lips, a tender smile, and a warm hand in her own lets her know that those feelings are returned.

One day, out of curiosity more than anything else, Rebecca takes some of Noel's pencils and sketch paper, and starts doodling while she waits for her girlfriend to come back from her treatment. When Noel finally does return, she's absolutely elated to see her trying something new and taking to it just as well. Soon after a couple of days of playful cajoling, Rebecca enrolls in an art class offered by the hospital and starts learning basic composition.

Her teacher immediately notices her latent talent, and strongly encourages her to practice as much as possible.

* * *

The days blend together in a similar routine: Wake up, take her medicines, hang out with Noel before class, then hang out with Noel after class.

It's not the most stimulating life, but it's the one that Rebecca is ~~stuck~~ happy with. She smiles more often now, and makes more of an effort to get to know the others.

On her thirteenth birthday, Gwen comes to visit for the first time since her admission.

It's not that Rebecca isn't happy to see her old teammate, but looking at her is a harsh reminder of everything that she's lost. Her friend has gotten much taller, and has started growing out her hair, though it looks like she's ditched soccer in favor of baseball, if her cap is any indication. What makes her truly self-conscious though, is just how healthy she looks. Rebecca knows just how much weight and muscle mass she's lost, but seeing such a stark contrast between her and Gwen now...

It hurts her deeply in a way that she can never hope to fully explain to anyone else. Not anyone healthy at least.

The visit is more than a little awkward, but they try their best to part on pleasant terms. When she leaves, Gwen does so with a heavy heart, as she can't stop thinking about the friend that she's leaving behind.

Rebecca completely forgets the encounter altogether.

* * *

Another year of routine passes by until Beck (as she's started going by now) grows increasingly fatigued by things as simple as climbing stairs, or sprinting down the hall when she's running late for class.

After two hours of blood work and physical tests, the doctors tell her that her heart condition (they're always so careful not to say failure around her) has progressed to what they call 'Stage C'. When she asks them what this means for her, they explain that her heart is having a harder time functioning normally, and she'll have to reduce her physical activity to help compensate. When she asks about art classes, the doctors also tell her that because some of the chemicals in the room may be harmful for her to inhale, she'll need to give that up as well.

The hours spent not being able to look over her shoulder and see Noel smiling back are the hardest part of making the adjustment.

When in her room, she draws more now than she ever did before, only this time, she's started writing short passages at the bottom of the paper. It's her first real attempt at writing, and even though it's a bit sloppy, several of her friends suggest that she make a story book for some of the younger children in the class.

The story that she winds up creating is a pretty straightforward one: An angry ogre descends down from a mountain top, and terrorizes a group of villagers, and a humble farm girl rises up to challenge the beast. After a life and death struggle, the girl emerges victorious, and is cherished for the rest of her days as a hero.

It's cheesy, but the pictures that go along with it are so dynamic, that every child who reads it winds up loving it.

One child asks when she's going to make another.

Then another child asks the same thing.

And then another, and then another.

* * *

At Beck's request, her parents send her a work desk, and over the course of five weeks, pens and illustrates three more storybooks.

It's cathartic in a way she didn't realize she needed. The stories that she writes during this time of her life all follow the tried and true trope of an underdog rising up from mediocrity to save the day, and occasionally finding love while they're at it. The one trait that all of her protagonists share are their amazing feats of strength and endurance.

In one story, a young gladiator defends her enfeebled lover against a horde of angry Rakshasa warriors. It's more than a little on the nose, and after some playful teasing by Noel, she eventually decides to put that one aside. She doesn't regret the personal touches though. Channeling her frustrations at her own weakness into something positive has helped her come to terms with her dwindling health.

But all of the uplifting stories in the world aren't enough to prepare her for the day when Noel tells her she's being moved to home hospice care. The treatments have stopped working, and her parents want her to live out the last few months of her life in the comfort of her own home. She had known for some time, but had been afraid to tell Beck out of fear for how she might take it.

Beck's response is a lot more subdued than what she expected: A small, pained nod of acceptance, and a long comforting hug, as her girlfriend sobs into her shoulder, apologizing over and over again.

It isn't until she goes back to her room for the night that she screams into her pillow, and lets her heart shatter into a million tiny pieces. She supposes that it's only natural to want to be around your family before you die, but the selfish part of her wants desperately to protest, and keep Noel all for herself until her final moments come.

In the end, the only request Beck makes is that she be notified when she passes on, and where she'll be buried.

It's only three weeks before someone calls her with news of her passing.

There aren't any tears or, prolonged silences on her part; just a numb "Thank you." off her lips as she quietly hangs up the phone.

* * *

Time moves forward, and more of her friends disappear from the classes, while new children take their places.

She doesn't ask questions, and none of the staff broach the issue, because deep down, she understands the bitter reality of life in a hospital. Everyone here has an expiration date hanging over their heads; and some just arrive sooner than others.

There's nothing that can be done about it. Some days, she even feels at peace with her place in the world, but deep down, she understands that it's nothing more than a false sense of serenity that masks the feelings of bitterness and overwhelming helplessness she holds towards her situation.

But on Beck's fifteenth birthday, she meets the person that would challenge her views.

It's several hours after lights out, and she's sitting upright on her bed, working on her latest storybook. Despite her own lack of spirit, seeing the younger children smile at her work is enough to keep her distilling what little bit of hope she has left onto something she can leave behind.

She's half-way through an illustration when she hears a bubbly voice that she doesn't recognize call out from behind her.

"...Hey. What are you drawing?"

She turns around, and sees a girl with bubblegum pink hair and prominent freckles looming over her shoulder with bright eyes, and a cheery grin.

The shock is so bad that it causes Beck's asthma to kick in. She falls off her bed, and fumbles around in the dark for her inhaler, until a pair of hands press against her chest, and an unnatural heat seeps into her skin.

"It's okay! Just breathe!"

She takes a deep breath, and gasps as her lungs fill with air. Her breathing is healthier than it has been in years. She stares in wonder at the stranger in front of her, and only faintly does it register somewhere in the back of her mind that she isn't human, but some sort of Mogwai.

The girl with pink hair gently helps her back into bed before sitting beside her.

She doesn't say anything to her, afraid of setting her off again. It isn't until Beck introduces herself, that the girl with pink hair grins from ear to ear, and enthusiastically does the same.

"Well hi Becky! I'm Io! Nice to meet you!"

Io takes one of her hands, and gives it a firm handshake.

"Soooo... Whatcha writing?"

Despite her embarrassment, she lets Io read a couple of pages. The story is a revision of one of her older works. In it, a heroine saves a beautiful princess from a fire-breathing dragon.

She seems interested for the first two, but by the third, she looks bored to tears.

"Um... it's alright, I guess...? Just needs some more pictures!"

Becky sighs in disappointment, but Io flashes her a winning smile.

"I've actually seen real dragons, ya know."

The statement is more than enough to grab her attention, and before she knows it, she's up with Io late into the night as she recounts stories of her travels across Solum. Io pauses in the middle of a particularly enthralling tale of her encounter with a violent pack of Kobold marauders, but when she prods her to continue, she quickly gets shut down.

"Nuh-uh! I've been going on for like, hours now. I told you a story about me, so now you've gotta tell me one. It's only fair!"

She starts to tell a fairy tale that her parents used to tell her before bed, but Io stops her.

"I meant a real story. About you."

She flusters at the thought, but relents. She hasn't had anyone other than Noel truly take a vested interest in her life in a very long time, and the last thing that she wants is to disappoint her new friend.

She winds up telling Io about her life. From her time playing soccer, to her years spent in and out of the hospital and Noel, and everything in between.

Io listens with a blank expression, not even batting an eyelash as she talks about all of her close calls... even the one she intentionally caused.

When she finally finishes telling her life's story, Io sucks her teeth, and gives Beck the bluntest criticism that she's ever received in her life.

"...That's stupid. You just gave up without even trying. Super lame."

It takes a moment for the words to fully sink in, but when they do, Beck's normally passive attitude is set to the side in favor of red-hot anger.

She poured her heart out to a stranger, and all she does is call her stupid in return?

It's the first time that she ever truly goes off at someone, and the burst of emotion leaves her keyed up with adrenaline. The real reason she's angry, is because deep down, a part of her agrees with Io.

She doesn't want to spend the rest of her life in a hospital, and as she winds down from her tirade, the small part of her that still has hope mutters a single sentence in defiance of Io's criticism.

"I haven't given up yet..."

Something sparks to life behind Io's eyes, and she looks Beck up and down, before deciding something within herself.

Io grins, but this time, there's a challenging edge to it.

"Oh yeah? Prove it. Drop and gimme ten."

Beck gets out of bed, and assumes the push-up position without a word. She slowly lowers her chest to the ground, then pushes back up.

"One."

Again.

"Two."

And again.

"Three...!"

But by the fourth one, all of the adrenaline leaves her body, and her heart starts to hammer in protest.

"Four!"

Io is crouched next to her with an intense look in her eyes. She's watching for something, but Beck isn't sure what.

Her arms are trembling as her chest touches the floor. She pushes up, but her muscles start to give up halfway through the motion. Her chest is on fire now, and every fiber of her being is screaming at her to stop what she's doing because it's not worth the risk.

"Don't listen to it, Becky. Push. Gimme one more."

Her arms give way a little more, and she slowly starts to sink back to the ground.

"Push."

"I can't!"

But Io isn't hearing any of it.

" **Push!** "

She groans in pain, but against all odds, she manages to fight against her fatigue, and push herself back up at an agonizingly slow pace until her arms are fully extended underneath her.

"Five!"

She collapses to the floor, clutching her chest in pain.

The saddest part is that she remembers a time when five push-ups were easy. But that just now? That took everything she had... and more.

Io takes a seat back on the bed, and watches her with a very pleased look on her face.

"Not bad... but it's still not ten!"

She glares at Io from her place on the floor, but she doesn't seem to care.

"That's okay though, you'll get there eventually if you work at it!"

She continues to huff and wheeze on the floor, but Io doesn't help her back up this time. She wants to see just how far she can go on her own steam. By the time she manages to make it back onto the bed, she's a sweaty mess. Her body is sore from exertion, and sharp stabs of pain pulse through her chest with every beat of her heart.

And yet, in spite of the pain, she hasn't felt more like her old self in years.

Io lays a hand on her chest again, and a soothing heat spreads through her muscles, helping to ease her recovery.

"How badly do you wanna get out of here?"

The question is asked innocently enough, but for a teenaged Beck, it may as well have been delivered with all the gravitas of a preacher.

She tells Io that more than anything, she wants to have a normal life again, one away from hospitals, portioned meals, designated bedtimes, sterilized everything, and the promise of a slow death away from the rest of the world.

Io smiles, content at her answer.

_This is it. She's the one._

"We should totally make a pact!"

She explains the entire process to Beck, and she doesn't even think twice about saying yes.

Io however, isn't that quick to make it official.

"Hey, you should really think about it a lot harder than that! We'd be like, life partners after this; It's a big deal!"

She runs a thumb across her nose and grins.

"And I don't wanna be stuck with a weakling for a Conjurer!"

The competitive spark that lay dormant inside of Beck's spirit comes back to life as she proclaims in a heated voice that no, she is not a weakling.

And Io couldn't be happier with her choice.

"You really mean it?"

She nods her head vigorously, and Io pumps a fist in the air.

"Alright, then here's what we're gonna do: I'll come by tomorrow night around the same time, and I'll help you train. We can get pacted up in a couple of years once you're in better shape! Sound fair to you?"

Io holds her hand out, but Beck doesn't take it. Instead, she leans her head against pillow, and stares out the window.

Even at night, the view that she has of Harbei and the surrounding area is breathtaking.

She hates that the window is the closest she's come to being outside in years.

As she takes in the sight, Beck quietly asks Io if she'll actually come back, clearly not trusting her at face value. Her voice hasn't sounded this vulnerable to her ears since the day that the doctors told her she'd never play soccer again, and Beck feels her face burn red with shame.

She feels Io grip her hand, but doesn't turn her gaze away from the window.

"I know it doesn't seem like it, but I totally understand how you're feelin' right now. It's that feeling like everything in the world is beating down on you and pushing you into a corner... and you wanna get up, you _really_ do!"

She gently strokes a thumb along Beck's knuckles as she speaks.

It's a quiet voice, full of regret.

"...But you just can't... It sucks because you don't see any way out of that corner, and you just wanna give up without even trying. But I didn't give up. Not when I was too weak to lift a sword, not after every time I lost a fight..."

With her other hand, Io grabs Beck by the chin, and forces her to look at her head-on. The intensity of her stare is matched by her drastic shift in tone.

"And not because some jerks said I would never amount to anything because I was born a wisp! It took me a long time... but I proved them all wrong! You can do the same thing Becky; and I can help you... but you've gotta want it bad enough. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Io's stare softens, and she carefully brushes away the tears on Beck's cheeks.

" _You have to want to live._ "

Another wave of shame washes over Beck, and she tries to look away, but Io's grip on her is ironclad. She can already feel her lip trembling and her eyes watering up. She inhales a shaky breath just as Io pulls her into a gentle hug.

It's the first time since Noel that anyone has made her feel safe like this, and it's more than she can take.

She leans on her shoulder and cries; mourning for the loss of her health, the years of life experiences that she's missed out on, and the time wasted not trying to make her situation any better.

"I don't want to die like this..."

She says it over and over again between heaving sobs, and Io runs a hand through her hair as she rocks Beck back and forth in her arms until eventually, she falls asleep.

Io carefully tucks her in, leaning close to Beck's ear as she pulls the sheets over her.

"If you really mean that..." Io whispers. "then I'll keep coming back for as long as it takes."

* * *

It's half past eleven when Beck wakes up. She's missed breakfast, and her morning classes. She briefly wonders if last night really happened, but as she tries to move, the soreness in her chest and arms makes itself known, leaving no doubt that her visitor was in fact, real.

With nothing left to do but wait for lunch time to come around, Beck decides to go back to working on her story.

Before she can start in earnest however, she notices that one of the books on her shelf is missing, and in it's place, is a small glass-like shard that shines a bright red in the sunlight streaming through her window.

Curious, she picks it up from off the shelf, and holds it to her chest.

Despite it's size, she feels a steady warmth from it that pulses in time with her own heartbeat.

She looks back over at her workdesk, and notices a note left on it corner that reads: "See you tomorrow night!" in cutesy handwriting.

She takes the words in, then looks back to the shard in her hand.

As she settles in to start her next illustration, she frowns to herself.

She's going to have to start all over again, she decides.

Her heroine is definitely going to have pink hair this time around.


End file.
